watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
