I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
