I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you had me at cake vodka
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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