party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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