College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
