im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
3pm strippers are depressing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dear god my vagina.
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