The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
