Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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