Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
