Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am naked and annoyed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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