the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
