I wannas sexs uuuuu
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
