is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
