I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
