Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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