It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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