cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
