Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
