I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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