yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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