I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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