wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
