Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
