I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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