I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want her autograph on my taint
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
