90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
