I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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