If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
