girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
