Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
