So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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