Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
