where does the pee come out of this thing
No I am not eating basil off your cock
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pooping to opera.
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