my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
