Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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