it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
