he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
