All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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