Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
