the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
