I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
