Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
