he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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