he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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