mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
