he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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