still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have to summon your inner elephant
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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