He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
