Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
