I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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