this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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