Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
