i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
