I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
