I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
