My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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