did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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