I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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