non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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